Sunday, August 7, 2011

Words of Wisdom

"There are lots of ways that people try to, I dunno like, escape their minds right. Like get intoxicated and some people ya know use drugs, some people use alcohol. But there is also Spiritual intoxication, like God intoxication. That never goes away, its more rich and more beautiful than any other out of thinking experience and its a different kind of wine. This is a song about trying to get drunk off that wine. " -Trevor Hall

Thursday, August 4, 2011

"I might have been born just plain white trash; But Fancy was my name"



Tiffany and I got our "Fancy" tattoos yesterday. I was so excited to get them together knowing how much that word and the song by Reba Mcentire means to us. Both Tiffany and I grew up in simular family homes, so I think that is really why we bonded so fast. I'm so grateful to have her in my life. She is one of the most beautiful and strong woman I know. I can only hope and dream that our friendship will last forever.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Letters from Erin


Erin is in the Air Force now. I miss her so very much. I got her second letter the other day. It's wonderful to hear from her and to have someone to write. No one writes letters anymore; it's sad.

What a lot we lost when we stopped writing letters. You can't reread a phone call. ~Liz Carpenter.


Release

Apparently I'm horrible at keeping up with writing. Meh. Over the last couple months the depression has gotten worse. I've been going in and out of these happy/sad phases. I don't like it one bit. I'm signed up to do a medical study on depression, so I'm hoping that will give me some insight on my problems. It'll just be nice to be able to talk to a therapist. It's hard waking up in the morning and not wanting to start the day. I truly hate that feeling, so hopefully that changes soon. I think it will; I've started to let go of some people that I feel don't give me anything. I only need up lifting healthy people in my life especially while I'm so vulnerable. After six months of trying to get him to commit it has ended on terms I don't like. We haven't spoken in a week after he told me he was stressed and depressed and couldn't handle stuff right now. This is right after I told him I loved him. How do I let myself date guys like this. Every tells me I deserve more and I know that's the case, but how do I keep letting shitty guys hold me up. I found out a week or so ago that Jonah is in fact in jail. I miss that bugger; very much. Can't wait for him to be released and I can't wait to be released from the hold certain people have on me.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Be a Better Person

Yesterday I started listening to this amazing musician; Trevor Hall. I think he has changed my life. Seriously I have never been so inspired to be a better person. His lyrics are amazing and so up lifting. They just make me feel so happy. I'm continuously struggling to be always be happy. In the last couple months it has gotten a lot better thanks to decreasing a lot of my stress. I'm even started to be a lot less angry; that's always nice. After the shit storm happened in January I've finally getting back to normal. He even finally apologized. It was a weak excuse, but better than nothing. Wants to be friends with me. Still don't know how I feel about that. I think it's finally time to start working on my New Year resolustion. I need to start saving money; especially once I get a job. I've been working out more and that gives me much more energy. I also spent all day yesterday organizing the house. It' looks awesome. I need to be cleaner and more organized. Need to have less stuff and live a simpler life. I have been really good about not drinking as much. I'm really proud of myself for recognizing I could possibly have a problem in the future and nicking it in the butt. Sasha has decided to bite in one spot so much that now there is a huge wound. It's so gross looking.

"Love all serve all and create no sorrow"

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Humbug

Seriously yesterday was one of the worst days I've had in awhile. I got super lost up North, hit a car with my bike, and it just got worse. Decided to turn my phone off for like 3 hours, turn it on to see people texting me freaking out that I wasn't answering them. Also someone has decided to talk shit about me at my old job. Really are you that sad about your life that you feel the need to talk shit about stuff you don't even know about. Please get over yourself. The night ended with an argument and some booze. Can't complain about the booze part :) I'm just over a lot of stuff and people. I've been trying to meet new people and trying not to do the same shit all the time. I'm sick of downtown and the people that hang out there. I'm just done with the bull shit and anyone that gives me any shit I'm just going to wash my hands of them. Simple life motto.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Order

Finally finding some order in my life, thanks to some pretty cool people. I still haven't found a job yet, but I'm trying not to stress about it; or really anything in life. Stress is what kind of destroyed me last year. I really don't want to get back to that. Last year was pretty awful for the most part. I'm trying to be better about stuff this year. Saving money and not partying as much. Think both of those will help a lot. I just finally getting my personal life back in order, hopefully I don't screw it up! I'm super happy how things are happening and hopefully they continue to get better. I've realized that I am my own worst enemy and at the same time my biggest fan. I'm the only person that can truely screw myself over.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Translation

Google translate makes me very happy. haha. Super helpful. Ahh I got the most amazing messenger bag today. Has UFO's beaming up cows in the inside. So rad. I finally starting to think about what I really want to do with my life and how to achieve it. First I really want to write a childrens book and I really want to starting writing. I also am going to start trying to figure out how to get a business grant to open a clothing store/bar! Life seems like it's about to start falling into place. I've just got to find a job! I've been really happy lately. I'm happy about that. Jenny found two cats a couple days ago and after trying to find their home, we've decided to keep them Meet Sailor and Linux. So cute and super crazy. They are getting along with the dogs after a couple days of not really liking them. All of them are sleeping on my bed right now. So damn cute. I've been thinking about going back to school and getting my associates degree in something. I'm not sure though; we'll see. I think I'm going to start writing stuff and sending it to newspapers or something like that. I'm really interested in writing about music or fashion. Both would be amazing.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Sicky Icky



So I've had allergies the past couple days or maybe a cold. Idk. I'm finally starting to kind of clear up. Yayy. I have yet to find a job and am starting to kind of worry. I'm running low on money and becoming increasingly more and more bored each day. I've got to find something; anything. I'm starting to date a little bit again, but I miss him terribly; which doesn't help. I know eventually I'll get over it, but this one really killed me. Gosh damn him; if I ever see him again, I'd love to give him a piece of my mind and my fist in his face. If I can find a fairly well paying job I see myself being really happy with my life. Jenny and I took in two stray cats. Oh my gosh are they so damn cute. I've started having a weakness for cats. Crap. Hopefully we can find their owners or a good home soon. I've got a new appreciation for knee high socks. Love them.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Quote of the Day!

Love isn't always a novel, sometimes it ends up being a short story.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Sweet Nothings from Strangers

I love getting little compliments from strangers. Not in a creepy "hey, you're cute, lets sleep together" way, but when someone gives you a compliment not expecting anything in return. So thank you 7-11 guy for telling me I looked nice tonight, even though I don't! I like him, he is always friendly and he doesn't card me when I buy booze. :) So cheers to you for making my day.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Fuck Shit

So I'm so pissed right now, TWC just called me and told me the reasons my bitch manager fired me. All were false. She is trying to make me look bad so I don't get unemployment. Seriously would love to key her car right now. When they asked her if I have ever done my job well, she said no. Such bull shit; I was one of the best sales people there. I'm so mad. If I don't get unemployment because of her I don't even know what I'm going to do. Seriously hate some people. And of course TWC can't just talk to my other manager; the one that likes me, since he isn't the one that fired me. Whatever. I'll figure it out. I just need to find a job asap. There just really isn't anything semi good out there. Ugh I hate my life some times. My birthday is tomorrow. Woot.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Mopping the grim away

I'm finally getting rid of the grim don't want to be negative this year, but fuck it. Here is the story: I started seeing this guy at the beginning of November and we talked all the time. He was the first person I opened up to since Daniel. Everything was great until about two weeks ago. That's when everything started falling apart. I literally don't know what happened. He started being a real big ass hole and didn't ever understand why I was upset. Usually when a boy is rude to me, I say fuck it and move on, but this one was different. He told me he wanted to marry me and that he loved me. I had strong feelings for him. Everyone thought I was crazy and moving too fast; which I was. So in the last couple weeks we have drifted apart, but I figured it would get better, kept hoping and hoping. On New years eve was the last day I spoke to him. I've tried calling, texting, facebook chat; nothing. He is totally ignoring me and for what reason. I have no idea; I didn't do anything wrong. This is what makes me so damn sad. The last couple days I have cried way too much. Finally today I gave up; deleted from my phone and finally just now had Jenny delete him from my facebook. I felt like I could breath again. It was weird. I still want to cry, but I'll get over it. I'm sad, miss him, but it is what it is. Mopping my house and mopping the shit out of my life. This is going to be a good year. Save more money and have better sex. Those are the new year resolutions.