Fuck Shit

So I'm so pissed right now, TWC just called me and told me the reasons my bitch manager fired me. All were false. She is trying to make me look bad so I don't get unemployment. Seriously would love to key her car right now. When they asked her if I have ever done my job well, she said no. Such bull shit; I was one of the best sales people there. I'm so mad. If I don't get unemployment because of her I don't even know what I'm going to do. Seriously hate some people. And of course TWC can't just talk to my other manager; the one that likes me, since he isn't the one that fired me. Whatever. I'll figure it out. I just need to find a job asap. There just really isn't anything semi good out there. Ugh I hate my life some times. My birthday is tomorrow. Woot.

Mopping the grim away

I'm finally getting rid of the grim don't want to be negative this year, but fuck it. Here is the story: I started seeing this guy at the beginning of November and we talked all the time. He was the first person I opened up to since Daniel. Everything was great until about two weeks ago. That's when everything started falling apart. I literally don't know what happened. He started being a real big ass hole and didn't ever understand why I was upset. Usually when a boy is rude to me, I say fuck it and move on, but this one was different. He told me he wanted to marry me and that he loved me. I had strong feelings for him. Everyone thought I was crazy and moving too fast; which I was. So in the last couple weeks we have drifted apart, but I figured it would get better, kept hoping and hoping. On New years eve was the last day I spoke to him. I've tried calling, texting, facebook chat; nothing. He is totally ignoring me and for what reason. I have no idea; I didn't do anything wrong. This is what makes me so damn sad. The last couple days I have cried way too much. Finally today I gave up; deleted from my phone and finally just now had Jenny delete him from my facebook. I felt like I could breath again. It was weird. I still want to cry, but I'll get over it. I'm sad, miss him, but it is what it is. Mopping my house and mopping the shit out of my life. This is going to be a good year. Save more money and have better sex. Those are the new year resolutions.

December

Tonight is my works Christmas party. Pretty excited about it. We got employee reviews yesterday, basically was a paper telling me I sucked at my job. Thanks! Whatever. Gris Gris is fitting in well. The dogs and him play all the time. It's hilarious. I got my nose pierced today, it's just a stud for now and in the next couple months I'll be able to get a hoop. Carly thinks hoops are trashy. I guess I'm trashy then. She comes next week; I am really excited. I can't wait for this year to be over with and hoping it ends on a good note. This has been a really hard year for me; more than anyone knows. I have had great days and a lot of bad ones. I have finally be able to admit to myself I'm actually depressed. Stress about money is the biggest cause. I can handle everything else. I'm also finally admitting to myself that I have a lot of built up anger towards a lot of people; but as I have always done, I hold everything in until I one day explode. I don't want to be like that. I want 2011 to be better; to be easier. Making changes; little by little. I'm happy at the moment, especially when I don't think about shit. Not the way to go; I just want to get all the "shit" out of my life.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving just passed, had a nice time at M&R's with Carly. That was our 5th Thanksgiving together. She left today, miss her already. Didn't get to spend much time with her, but Christmas is fast approaching. It's finally getting cold outside, super excited about that. My grandma sent me a text today, telling me she read all my blog entries! haha glad most of them are modest. I tried making a video blog last night. No bueno. I sounded like a slightly challenged, 12 year old girl, from the white trash south. Ugh. I'll stick to typing my thoughts. For everyone's sake. I'm having drinks with Tyler tonight @Dog and Duck, hopefully Jack will join us. I want to get Tyler's opinion on him. He is just super quite, so we'll see. Well Tyler is super quite also, so maybe they will fall in love. I'd be cool with that! I get to see my Pawpa in a week. Very excited. My dads girl friend listed Autumn as her daughter on Facebook. I think it's so great that Autumn has a good woman role model in her life. That is what she needs right now. It's almost December, so crazy. December means I should get my $3/hr at work yet and hopefully I'll be getting my tattoo. I'm so excited for it. It's beautiful. I think in the new year I'm going to start looking for a better job. I really need to find something that has to do with fashion. Need more money. I've got to get my license soon, so I can get a car. I really want the Honda Fit, it's quite amazing, but it'd be like $300 a month. Boo. End this with a short rant of how I hate flaky people, I hate when people are short with me, and I hate the taste of peanuts in my mouth.

Life is divine chaos. Embrace it. Forgive yourself. Breathe. And enjoy the ride.

Quite possibly one of my favorite quotes ever.

Beautiful girl I might foster

NEFF

Carly will be here tomorrow. I'm super super excited. Even though I am super poor right now, things seem to be looking up a bit. It was weird all of a sudden, I felt happier. I've been doing better at work, so that helps. I came to the realization today that I need to stop worrying about dating right now. I really need to completely focus on myself. I don't need boys getting in my way. It helps that I don't see anything going anywhere with some of these gents. I may be fostering a pup. Pretty excited! I love animals and would put my dogs lives before mine. They are my everything. My coworker had a masquerade party Saturday night. I had semi-drunkin' sex with her roommate. Bwahaha . Whatever, add him to the list. Fuck what people think of me, I love myself more than I love anyone, and I am happy with who I am. Fuck everyone that has a problem with me.